in her shoes...

First of all I want to thank you who left comments that you were praying for this situation.  You all will NEVER know what that means to us.  

I arose early the other morning to spend some much needed time on the steps of my soul before meeting with the children and mother.  I asked our Lord to prepare me as much as possible as He had already ordained that meeting time with her.  I asked that the enemy not get any foothold on my attitude so that i ONLY had the love of Christ oozing from me.  Not bitterness.  As I learned more horrific acts of mothers killing their baby girls in India last year, I came to realize that poverty does terrible, terrible things to people.  Something you and I can NEVER relate to and NEVER truly understand.   

I want to attempt to paint a picture of this mother and her life to you.  Though I may not be totally accurate on all the details- hopefully I can paint you a picture to help you grasp the depravity of her story and what she may have gone through.  Let us not judge her sheerly from the looks of her children.  

Imagine you are the mother of 3 with number 4 on the way.  Your country is being ripped apart from the inside out.  1.7 million people are being forced from their homes; you are among them.  Your children are hungry.  What do you do?  You've heard great things about Kenya.  It's stable, right?  Especially it's capital.  Maybe if your husband put a nice suit on- he could get a job there.  So you take your "savings", buy a bus ride for your family as far as it will take you.  Then you walk 8 months pregnant the rest of the way.  In his suit, your husband sets off to find a job- never to return.  You've never had schooling of any sort.  You don't even know how to spell your name, much less write it.  Who will hire you?  An uneducated pregnant Ugandan woman?  

You end up moving into the center of Kibera slums.  The cheapest rent.  A small stick structure with mud walls and a rusty tin roof.  Praise the Lord it's shelter during this rainy season!  Your children are still hungry but labor pains soon set in.  After a long hard labor with the smell of human waste in the air, you give birth to a healthy baby boy.  Now, time to get a job.  After searching long and hard you find a job washing clothes from 7am to 7pm.  You travel about 7 miles by foot daily with your newborn in tow.  Guess how much you make to pay rent, food, school fees and clothes?  $46. 15 per month.  That's 30¢/per person/per day.  You decide to attempt to break poverty chain in your family's history- so you attempt to send your eldest to school.  A little late... but at least he's in school.

Does this give you a better picture of what life might be like for this mother?  Oh Lord- forgive me for being so quick to judge!

Things are looking up for these children.  We got to meet that 4th child which we had no clue about- Charles.  He is the oldest and just as cute as the others.  Normally he is in school, but August is "holiday" for all the schools.  They are such beautiful children.  Charles is very smart.  We learned their true ages: Paul is 3; Brian 5; Sylvia 8; Charles 9.  Instead of going to the "school" where I met them, they will now be attending a registered form 1 school at Berith.  So now they will ALL be getting an education, 3 hot meals, and love from a precious family we partner with.  Tomorrow I will drop Chris off to do evangelism and I will pick the kids up to take them to the hospital.  A dear friend recently gave a generous donation to pay for their food and medical care.  (Her meekness and humility do not permit me to tell you her name.)  I can't tell you how excited I am about getting them well!  Soon their bellies will be rid of worms and the nutrients from consistent meals will have them growing in no time!  I feel God's excitement as well.  

Isn't God amazing?  We all need to be careful at making up our minds on situations we barely are aware of.  The next few days and weeks are going to be quite exciting as we have already had a preview.  You will be updated, don't worry.

        

Update

Please read the last post to understand this update.

Update (11:50pm):  I got a call tonight from Tafrosa.  I will be meeting with the mother in the morning at 9am (our time).  The kids are coming as well so I'm very excited to see them.  I'm a bit nervous as I'm not sure what to do or say.  There are many emotions I'm right now.  I'm starting to wonder if I might know a little bit about how Jessica was feeling in dealing with the parents of Baby D.  We really want the best for the children.  Pray we will be able to show the mom the love of Christ first and foremost: through our attitudes and actions in dealing with this situation.

a handshake goes a long way (from home)....

              (Telling stories of creation at the school with sleeping little Paul in tow.)

A few weeks ago I was walking through Kibera along the railroad on my way to the school.  It's not often there are Mzungu's waltzing through Kibera.  So it is very common for the kids to shout.  "Mzungu, how are you?" Only, the keep repeating "How are you? How are you? How are you?"  That's really all most of them know how to say.  And if they can't remember how to say that in english they just say "Wah-roo", which is a fruit.  (I don't actually know how to spell it).  They say that b/c it sounds like "How are you".

 Anyway, I was used to kids coming up and wanting to shake my hand on the railroad.  I usually ask them how they are in Kiswalhili b/c they know how to better respond.  I can remember one day I saw a young boy (about 11) in a red tattered sweater with huge shoes on.  He was really acting like he wanted to come up to me, but was very unsure of me.  So I walked up to him and asked him how he was doing in Kiswalhili and he replied appropriately with one word.  We went on our way to the school.  When we got there I went on in to see the kids.  I turned around and noticed that little boy in red from the railroad had followed us all the way to the school.  He was standing outside shuffling his feet and looking down.  I called this to one of the teachers attention and she began talking to him in Kiswalhili.  I figured out she was telling him to go away.  I asked her to please let him stay for the bible story and meal.  After all, there was plenty to eat.  So he came back in and sat in the back of the classroom.  He was so excited, but you could tell there was something about him that wasn't like the other kids.  No one could understand his name to know what to call him.  During play time, he sat alone.  I asked him to play, but he shook his head no.  So, I did what I had to do.  I grabbed his hand in mine and ran with him to meet with the other kids.  He laughed the whole way.  We played silly mzungu games i made up.  After school I walked with him and tried to ask him some questions.  I think he understood me, but I figured out that he has a speech problem.  Within about a minute of walking he grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand until we ran into a lady that said he needed to go to his home.  Tafrosa asked the lady some questions about his home situation.  We figured out that he was an orphan who lived with his aunt.  He went home and I never even knew what his name was.  

Fast forward a week or so to when Chris and I were taking our 22 month old friend for a little joy ride around Kibera in the "Gari".  Chris stopped to talk to someone he knew.  Next thing I knew there were some tiny black arms flying through my window at me.  It was my little red sweatered friend!  I wondered what he was doing so far from home.  What were the chances that I would see him out of 1 million people in Kibera.  Definitely a God thing.  I tried to talk to him a little, mostly just wanting to make sure he knew how to get home.  It was time to go and Chris had to take off.  As we drove back toward the pastors home, my friend was running as fast as he could behind our car.  He followed us all the way to the Pastor's house.  Long story shorter- Meshek (a supported pastor/ son in law to Tafrosa and Indiazia) went to his home to find out a little more info about his home situation.  Apparently, his name is Isaac Rabin and his parents have been dead for some time now.  He lives with his aunt who is a seamstress and is gone from early morning to late night.  When there isn't food in the house (which I heard is often), Isaac leaves very early to find some.  I learned he is usually unsuccessful as he is shilling-less.  We told Indiazia that if they will feed him, we will pay for it.  He had the option of having the food brought to their home, or coming to Indiazia to have food and fellowship.  He wanted to come to Indiazia's for the family type meal.  

Friday- Chris, Thomas, and Noah all went to the new bible college and helped Indiazia and the group renovate it.  It is in need of a lot of work, but looks so much better after Friday.  Chris said he must have seen our car and recognized it.  He came to the college and I they got the feeling he was hungry.  As the guys took a break for lunch they told Isaac to "sit right there until we get back."  45 minutes later they returned with a meal. Chris said Issac had not moved a muscle.  He had not and would not turn around or anything.  He was so tickled about his lunch!   

I looked out over Kibera and look at Isaac, Sylvia, Brian and Paul and think "And this is only two stories of so many..."  A spiritual mentor recently said to me "Their [Sylvia, Paul, Brian's] story is just one of millions of children in Kibera, Kawangware, Calcutta- all over the world"  To which I replied, but even if I only help one... it's still better than not having helped any."  We had better start now because there are a lot of people and children who need to see our loving Savior.  These people need to see us showing true biblical compassion [meaning: to suffer with.]  Are we ready and willing to suffer with them?

Hopefully I'll have an update about Sylvia, Paul, and Brian this week.  (I couldn't keep from putting all 3 of them on our blog header.)  Please pray for this situation (I cannot possibly explain all the details of it- as there are so many.)  It is such a heavy burden on my heart.  I do not know what to do, where to go, nor how the "system" works around here.  Pray that God would put someone in our path who knows Kenya's "system" better than we do.  Pray that we do not do anything without His permission and guidance.  Most of all pray for these hungry, mangled children and their mother.  As I mentioned before we do not know her story.  All I know is that they are from Uganda (which is another challenge with the "system" and the father left when she was pregnant with Paul.  She really needs to be loved along with these children.  Thank you for your prayers...    

Yesterday...

          (photos: compliments of Shauna and Keira's camera's)

Yesterday I found myself on my way to Sylvia, Brian, and Paul's home in Kibera.  Tafrosa and I set out to meet the mother that wasn't taking care of her children.  I learned in India that poverty does terrible things to people, so I wasn't angry at this woman.  Even when the kids were seen at a free medical clinic- they requested that the mother be taken to the chief of police because it seemed like abuse.  Tafrosa first felt the same way.  But I think if we did end up taking this woman to the police (without truly understanding her story) it would just destroy the little relationship the "school" has with her.  Then she would not allow her children to attend anymore which meant they would not get fed at all.  I'm more of a child advocate in this situation- not so much about how to punish the mom for her crime on her children.  Tafrosa seemed to really understand and agree.  With that we decided to try to meet the aunt or mom- whoever we could find at the home.  All kids in school here are out on holiday the whole month of August, but if our "school" lets out- some of the kids don't eat and they have nothing to do.  So they are only out a few days.  I had bought a few things for Sylvia, Paul and Brian I was going to give them upon meeting mom.  We didn't even get halfway there before we ran into Phyllis with Kyle.  Phyllis told us that the mother sent word that she did not want the Muzungu (white person) coming to her home anymore because it was putting her family in danger.  Last week we walked or carried the 3 home every day from school.  Apparently, people in the community saw this and assumed that because the white people were taking a liking to these children- we were giving them money.  At this point- I could feel my blood boiling.  So they are fearful of people trying to break into their home to look for money the Muzugu gave them.  Possibly even threaten or hurt them. 

 

How stupid of me to think that I was helping them.  When really I have hurt them.  I can't tell you how discouraging that was to me.  I felt so broken and helpless.  How naive!  Do I really THINK that I understand these people or this culture.  How dare I act like I understand the people of Kibera just because I've been there a few weeks.  I mean how can I identify with this slum being from one of the richest countries in the world!  I really have no clue.  I grew nauseous.  All I had thought about Friday- Monday was seeing those kids, playing with them, and making them smile.  I've learned just how to make them smile.  For Sylvia it's wrapping my arms around her and squeezing her so tight with a huge hug.  She looks back at me with this massive smile that would melt even the coldest heart.  For Paul- it's being held with his head on my chest, sucking the same fingers I used to suck.  For Brian- it's holding him in my arms and jumping in the air saying "Rukaju" (jump).  It's almost giggle...

I really had to do some serious reading on suffering and WHY these things are allowed to continue.  I can get quite emotional about what the Sudanese/Darfurians are going through on a daily basis.  At one point I had avoided the forbidden question long enough.  I can remember the day i was in tears and finally belted out "Why God? You can do anything!"

Have you ever asked that question?  Here's "WHY":

So what is the real condition of our world at large?

First, we must understand that the real condition of our world today is a continuation of what began when Eve "took some fruit and ate it" and then offered the fruit to Adam who seemed to be more than willing to partake himself (Gen 3:6).  The condition of the world is the result of sin entering the world through Adam and Eve.  The suffering we now see and the injustice that permeates our societies can't be blamed on anything other than the true culprit--SIN.

If sin is the true culprit, then every issue of poverty, injustice, and oppression has a spiritual element to it.  

It's days like yesterday when, in tears, I've said "Lord, I just wanna go home.  I can't do this.  It's days like tomorrow when I'm so thankful God chose me to be here.  Then it's days like the next (Thursdays- my favorite) when it makes going home in November hard because I'll miss their faces, smiles, and hugs so much.  

My mom used to tell me in nursing school "Lindy, you do your part and God will do His."  I believe that's the case in these little lives too.  I'll just have to do what I can and leave the rest up to Him.  

  

    

It's smiling at me...

I learned a few weeks ago that there are 2 types of missionaries:

1. Those who know they have parasites.

2. Those who do not know they have parasites.

Today I learned that I am the first (my brother is flippin' out right now).  I figured I would try to keep my sickness under wraps for a little bit (not to worry the Mom), but this is too good not to share now.  (wait till I get to the funny part...)  Dr. Burchel just diagnosed me via email.  As Chris was enjoying his last day with the RFBC team Friday in South Horr, I was getting further aquatinted with our chartreuse toilet- face to face.  

I'm not going to dwell on all the details of my emesis and the fact that he is just chillin' in my small intestine.  I thought you all might want to know what I read about my little friend:  "If the organism is split and stained, it has a very characteristic pattern that resembles a smiley face."  Hilarious- right?  

Ha!  I'm NOT smiling back....

**Sorry to those of you that consider this post TMI.

All things...

I know I keep doing this- but I am so emotionally exhausted from today that I can't possibly tell you everything. Plus, I really want to spend some time in prayer about today. It's no wonder we come home from Kibera and all but collapse. Since Chris has been gone to South Horr this week, I wanted to go spend most of it in Kibera, but wasn't quite comfy driving through it alone. So God gave me Shawna and Keira this week to go with me. See they are on "Holiday" because the kids are out of school all month. So they have been slumbering here at the Livingstone. We've had a ton of fun cooking for the kibera kids, figuring out the felt board (I think I had Shawna convinced that God created the unicorn along with the other animals) and holding baby Kate. Today we taught the story of creation with the felt board. They LOVED IT!! Their response was really great. Yesterday we handed out collected children's clothes we had in storage that the RFBC team brought. We still have more coming from Elizabeth's b-day party thankfully, b/c they need some pants, socks, shoes and underwear. I think I can buy shoes here. There are 3 in particular that REALLY NEED them.

You know in a way I believe it was a bit of a blessing to lose my camera, because I could really enjoy myself with the kids without worrying about blogging it and getting every moment on camera for you guys (no offense). Thankfully though- Keira took hers and took some pictures of the kids getting their clothes.

Today-Just when I thought my heart couldn't possibly be broken/ burdened for these kids anymore...

I learned some very terrible news that one of the girls has been raped (maybe even continues to be??). I don't want to say too much, but I'm just feeling so many different emotions right now. I'm mad that this has been happening, angry that the mother takes no responsibility, frustrated that there is little I can actually do to help the situation improve. But I just KNOW I play a part in this. There is no way I can know about this, and not be responsible. Tafrosa and I are going to do everything in our power to either make this better or get the children OUT! We have been racking our brains today trying to figure out what we could do. If it meant me helping these 3 kids out and being a part of their daily lives- I would say forget the guest house, let's move to Kibera.  

Shawna had made the comment at the beginning of the week that "I just don't know if I can handle Kibera 3 days in a row." I stored that away and asked she and Keira again tonight if they wanted to go back. Shawna said "I'm going and that's that." I preach this again, no matter how hard things are to watch, see, or do- it's our responsibility and calling.  I felt Jesus reminding me that he would be sitting there among the filth, sewage, stench and dirt with those kids.  We can't just not go b/c it's tough to handle.  We can't ignore informative videos or news because it upsets us.  Keira quoted Lou Giglio to me this morning.  There are 3 options- You can go, send someone or be disobedient.  Meaning- you can "go" yourself to these places of despair (and yes there are some in America too!), help someone "go", or you are being disobedient to what God has asked you to do.   

As we drove to the slums this morning we read the verse "ALL things work for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to his purpose." (Rom 8:28 And on the way home from a heavy day- we said it again-"ALL things... even the really rotten things..."

Familiar faces...

What a treat to see some all too familiar faces from our home church this past weekend.  Chris and I were like little kids Thursday night before they came.  We stayed awake until about 1:30am wide eyed and so stoked.  Friday night we ate dinner then sat around hearing each persons expectations of the week to come.  (Obviously I was unable to go to South Horr seeing as I have internet access)  They had a great time of sharing and bonding.  I was very impressed with how well everyone's responses made sense on such little sleep.  It was very nice weather for their safari at Nakuru Saturday.  (Chris and I went, but we weren't caring so much about the animals).  I had a great time rekindling an old friendship with a girlfriend from childhood.  God has done miraculous things in her life.  Seeing her glow about what the Lord has done in and through her was such a blessing to me.  

Yesterday we took the team to our church.  We had communion for the first time in Africa.  I think it is so cool that their first acts in Africa was to take communion.  How special!  We stayed up late again last night trying to get all our chatting in before they left this morning.

  

I stood on the porch this morning waving at my friends as they left for Wilson Airport to set out for the bush.  I turned around and started into the house.  I realized right then- that I was totally alone for the first time: no guards, no house help, no husband, and no friends.  The tears began to build, but not because I was alone.  I really did want to go to South Horr, but I know I'm supposed to be here this week- for many different reasons.  I took this opportunity of being alone to sit on the steps of my soul and pray for the team.  I'm looking so forward to what God will be doing in Kibera this week.  

 

I am so humbled by the care packages sent by our family and friends.  It was like Christmas!!  (And I'm sure I was acting like a child opening it).  I must say I had a hard time coming up with legitimate things to request when asked.  I found there really wasn't anything legitimate.  I just kept thinking "But we aren't suffering over here- there really isn't anything we can tell them WE need".  Oh well!  It was fun to get some surprises.  I did ask for pictures and we received a massive family calender from my sister in law's (I'm pretty sure they all had a part in making it because I found some secret pictures in there that few people would know the story behind.  It's probably my favorite (besides the embarrassing amount of peanut butter).  My best bud sent me a stack of cards to replenish my initial stack.  I have had a card to open every Sunday since we've been here.  I've even had one when I was sick and for when I needed encouragement.  This time she's helping me to study women of the bible every Sunday.  I LOVE IT! I just can't begin to put into words how amazing it was to get things from "back home".  Thanks for spoiling us everyone!!

Unfortunately you won't be seeing any pictures I took of our team nor will you be seeing any new photos for a while.  My camera is GONE!  I believe it got swiped which doesn't surprise me.  I'm not going to dwell on it.  Bottom line- it's gone and that's that.  Sorry guys...

I do have some pictures from Thursday I downloaded (thankfully) before my camera was MIA.  These are my buddies that are coming to hang this week.  

 Doing a little song and dance at the school for the kids. (Check out the synchronization here)

"Read God's bible, pray everyday- you will grow, grow, grow"  
So this is humorous now, but it wasn't at the time.  I was trying really hard to cross over a big chunk out of the bank, not slip down the muddy embankment, and yet dodge the train (Which was stopped when we first started on the tracks, but started moving once we started walking)