A teacher being taught...

For us, today was Super bowl Monday.  We did our office work yesterday after church so that we could get up early and watch the super bowl.  Chris made us all french toast and some delicious fruit thingy he made up.  Yum!  Shauna had a MD apt with a child from Huruma at 11. The boys had a meeting with the pastors at 11:30.  So I had the car for exactly 2.5 hours to meet with Isaac in Kibera.  I wasn't able to meet with him Friday because I didn't have transportation.  All 4 of us had to be in different places.  But I did see Isaac after church on Sunday.  He cried when we left per usual and I was fresh out of treats by the time I saw him.  I told him I would see him Monday morning. This morning, as soon as I got to where we meet, (Tafrosa and Indiazi's house) Isaac and I got started on our ABC's.  We had only been working for 20 minutes this time when he completely stopped talking to me.  He does this at some point every day I teach him.  It's like I say something that makes him upset.  But not upset at me.  I have no idea.  I try so hard to give him high fives and "thata' boys" as often as possible.  We were saying our alphabet (only A-G) over and over and over and over (just like we've done every single day).  Yet I would say "Isaac, point the A."  He would point to the "D" or "G."  This is what we have done for HOURS and I don't feel like he has learned anything.  I have tried so many different tactics that might help him learn.  My college roommate is even sending me stuff from the US! (She's an awesome kindergarden teacher).   When he doesn't know where the letters are I tell him to sing the alphabet (A-G) over- aloud until he can figure out what letter I'm asking him for.  (Does this make sense?)  

Keep in mind I'm used to him doing this silent game or whatever.  (Though I think he's more ticked off about something than playing a game.)  Normally, it's closer toward the end of our "session" and I just tell him that if he's not going to talk to me- then he must be finished with school and finished with me.  He knows that means I leave.  So today after 20 minutes he looked down and stopped responding.  There was nothing I could do.  I sort of got him to smile, but I was babying him to get him to do that.  I was getting really frustrated!  So I grabbed my bag and told him that if he doesn't want to learn- I cannot make him.  I am so disheartened that I keep driving all that way, using gas, and missing out on other things -so he can give me the silent treatment for no reason!  As I walked out of our "classroom" I told Mama (Tafrosa) that I was done.  I vented a bit under my breath so that Isaac could not hear.  By this point he had wandered out into the living room.  Mama tried to get him to talk to her, but he would not.  He began to cry and I joined in.  I lost it.  I don't think I've ever cried in front of them.  There is no telling what they thought.  I told Mama how much I wanted him to learn, grow, and get an education.  I just feel so bad for him because I don't know what it's like at home and I don't know why he shuts down.  I wish I knew what was going on inside his head.  Mama told me to go and get the things done that I needed to do.  Even when Issac gives me the silent treatment, he follows me out the gate, watches me get in the car, and cries.  But today Mama told me to go and she would not allow Isaac to follow me.  So I walked out and she locked the gate behind me.  I could hear Isaac's impending cry... then a scream.  He was seriously ticked off.  I have seen Beatrice try to comfort him one time when we were leaving and he shoved her away... so I wondered if he would try and hit Mama.  After the screaming, came the petition to get on the other side of that gate.  I heard him hit or kick the gate.  All I could do was leave as fast as I could.  

I am a helpless, bawling wreck by this point.  I began to pray as I drove away from the shacks and shanties "Lord, I give up!  I tried to help him- but nothing worked!  I'm done.  Finished.  No more daily trips, wasted gas, frustration, or tears.  If he is there when I happen to be there, fine.  I'll work with him or just play if that's what he wants."

Then this thought presented itself to the forefront of my mind:

Lindy, aren't there times when you tend to give God the "silent treatment"?  God must get pretty frustrated with me sometimes too.  I'm sure He would be so much happier with me if I'd learn things the first time too.  Yet he never packs his bags saying "I'm done with you.  Nothing is working.  You just aren't listening or learning from your mistakes. I'm Finished."  I ALWAYS get another chance... and He NEVER leaves.

Maybe this was really a lessons for me...