privileged to serve...

We haven't had internet for a couple of days but it's probably been a good thing.  I (lindy) haven't exactly done everything with joy as though working for the Lord this past week.  Let me just be real with you.  My attitude has stunk and I flat out did NOT want to be a missionary last week.  The culprit: no quiet time or prayer times!  I think everything I did I grumbled about.  Oh how unpleasent it must have been to be around me!  Friday night Chris looked at me in the bed and said "What's wrong with you... I feel like you aren't yourself?"  So I broke down and cried in his arms.  I confessed that I wanted to go back home to my family and friends and that I "just don't want to be a missionary right now".  (Sound familiar?  Yea- I've done this one time before when we arrived back from the US) Chris just held me and said "See, that's why we're so great together- when you want to go home, I'm pumped about being here.  And when I want to go home, you don't want to leave."  I'm more homesick right now then I will be 5 months from now.  5 months from now Chris will be curled up in my arms wanting to go home.  Thankfully, I have had some good nights of sleep and been able to get up early, long before others to sit on the steps of my soul.  I knew I had to repent of my terrible attitude and lack of joy and servant-like heart.  Sometimes my desire is to BE in the slums and BE in the middle of all these things going on.  I realized as we looked at our calender last week that my "summer" (it's not summer for us here) would consist of me being in the house cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and lots of waiting on any news about our child(ren).    For some reason that put a sour taste in my mouth.  I grumbled and complained to myself as I made tortillas.  In fact I began rolling with such force that i was just ripping them apart.  I bellyached and snarled as i washed dishes and unpacked.  I was short with my husband.  I then turned my Christian tunes OFF while in the kitchen because of the shame I was feeling for my poor approach to these next couple months being "only (a) servant".  How I longed to be back in NC with a blue eyed boy in my arms, chasing a curly head around a dock, and having dinner with some cool old folks.  But the fact of the matter is, I am here and I have a purpose here.  So yesterday morning I read, prayed, and was reminded that working for the Lord is such a privilege and honor.  ANY WORK is a blessing- NOT a curse.  

Oh Lord- forgive me for not treating this mission field as an honor and joy!  May I find gladness in You and in Your work!  

MY mission here, right now, is to pray for my little one(s) on the way while feeding those who will go out into the streets and slums to share the good news.  When I think about that- IT IS A JOY!!!  I get to prepare meals that nourish the bodies of His servants so that they will be strong enough and have the energy to do good works through them.  Bwana Asifiwe!  Praise the Lord that He chose me!  

 I'm SO over the enemy trying to take my joy from me.  He can't do that.  I'm back to running in the mornings and that feels so good- I always feel the tender presence of the Lord there and his great infatuation with me.  I will delight in Him during moments like those and hopefully get better at counting it ALL JOY!